Behind the Scenes
by MBP
Summary: So many moments are alluded to in this novel. So what happened after Pony ran out? According to Dally, Darry was taking Pony's disappearance awfully hard. And what happened in the nights Pony couldn't remember after he passed out? As the title implies...
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: S.E. Hinton owns The Outsiders.

Darry and Soda stared at each other as the door banged shut behind their youngest brother. Neither of them knew what to say. The unthinkable had just happened on two levels. Darry had snapped at Soda, which was bad enough… but hitting Ponyboy?

After a few minutes, Soda realized he was still staring at Darry, and he got up abruptly and went into the bedroom. He knew how upset his little brother had been when he ran out, but he was also pretty sure it wouldn't take him too long to come around. He did know one thing, though. He couldn't look at Darry right then. For the first time he could think of, he needed some space from his older brother. He _knew_ Darry hadn't meant to hit Pony. But he also knew that he had. And he didn't think he could handle being in the same room with him right then. He figured if he just went to bed, he'd wake up when Pony came in, talk to him a little, and then the three of them could sit down together in the morning. The last thing he expected was to wake up alone in the morning.

Once Soda awoke and realized the sun was shining and his bed was still empty, he felt a pit in his stomach, and he jumped out of bed and ran into the living room, anxious to tell Darry that Pony still hadn't come home. What he didn't expect was the sight that confronted him when he walked into the sunlit room. The sunshine was the only change from the scene he'd left about six hours earlier. Darry was still sitting in the chair where Soda had left him, and he was still staring out the door. But when he turned slowly to look at Soda, the other change was very clear. The look in his eyes had changed dramatically in the past six hours.

Slowly, Soda sank down onto the couch. "Darry," he asked, keeping his voice as gentle as he sometimes had to when Pony had his nightmares. "Darry, what happened? Did he come home?"

Darry shook his head but seemed unable to speak. He motioned toward the newspaper on the coffee table, and Soda reached over to pick it up, his eyes never leaving his brother's face… until he saw what Darry had wanted him to read. The blood drained from his face, and he dropped the paper.

"Darry," he said urgently. "Darry, what are we going to do? That… that had to have been Johnny and Pony. That's murder. What…" He trailed off when he realized something almost more terrifying. Darry knew all of this, and for the first time since their parents had died, he saw something else too. Darry had no idea what to do.

Soda got up from the couch and slowly approached his older brother where he was sitting in the armchair, staring towards the door as if Pony still might walk through at any moment.

"Dar – did you… sleep at all?"

Darry shook his head, but he seemed as if he were in a trance, and Soda put his hands on his brother's shoulders lightly. He didn't move, and Soda began kneading the muscles that had tightened more in the space of a few hours than they ever had when Darry foolishly carried two bundles of roofing.

"We need to figure out what to do. Maybe we should both take the day off," Soda suggested, not expecting any type of response and certainly not the one he got. He was stunned when Darry nodded and even more shocked when he whispered hoarsely, "Will you… will you call for me?"

Not trusting himself to look at his brother before he made this call, he said "sure" quickly and walked into the kitchen to make the calls. When he came back out, Darry still hadn't moved, so Soda resumed his futile efforts to help him relax. After a few minutes, when he realized he really wasn't helping, he stopped and just left his hands on Darry's shoulders for a minute. And then he felt it. He felt what he knew his older brother had been trying to suppress all night long. Darry's shoulders start quivering under his hands. He had tried to hold back tears, but Soda's touch lost him the battle.

Soda moved to sit on the arm of the chair, and he put his arm around Darry.

"Darry," he said, trying to keep his own voice steady, "it's going to be ok. It has to be."

"No," Darry said, and his voice quivered with the sobs he was so unaccustomed to, "it doesn't."

Soda looked down at his older brother, and his own eyes started to burn with tears when he realized he was right. Getting up abruptly, he went back into his bedroom. The minute he caught sight of the only half-slept-in bed, the tears started to flow, and he threw himself on it, burying his face in Pony's pillow. He didn't know how long he'd been laying there when he felt the bed slant, and he turned his face to look at Darry. Darry's own face was twisted at an attempt at self control, but his next words took all of it away.

"I'm … I'm sorry, Soda. This is all my fault," he choked. He buried his face in his hands, and Soda suddenly realized what he'd done by leaving Darry alone in the living room all night. He sat up suddenly and threw his arms around Darry.

"No, it isn't. You were just worried, and you never would have hit him if he hadn't scared you. You love him, Darry. I know that."

"But does he?" Darry choked out.

Soda didn't know how to answer that question.


	2. Chapter 2

Soda and Darry spent the next two hours calling everyone they could think of, trying to find anyone who might have seen Pony. They split the phone calls at first, but as they went on, Darry made more of the calls as he slowly regained his composure while Soda got more and more upset with the growing list of dead ends. Darry was in the chair next to the phone in the kitchen, and Soda was curled up on the couch, arms around a pillow, and his head resting on his knees. Darry was talking to one of their neighbors when the screen door banged open for the first time that day.

He quickly poked his head around, saw that it was Steve and sank dejectedly back into the chair, resuming his questioning. But Steve saw the look in his eyes, and his own eyes widened. He had never seen Darry look so haunted… so vulnerable. And he slowly turned to Soda. If Darry were that bad off, he could only imagine how his best friend was faring. He was unsurprised to see Soda staring blankly at the floor, arms wrapped tightly around the pillow. He sat down next to him gingerly.

"I heard about … about what happened in the lot," he said hesitantly, and Soda nodded almost imperceptibly. Steve sighed and tried again. "No luck in finding either of them, huh?" Soda shook his head, but he still wouldn't look at Steve. Not until Steve said, "Well, have you two called Dally? You know he's the first person Johnny would go to…"

Soda jerked his head up suddenly and stared at Steve. "You're right," he said hoarsely.

He jumped off the couch and yelled to Darry, "I'm going out, but I'll be back in a few minutes." He was out the door before Steve realized that he was still only wearing his socks, so he grabbed his sneakers and ran after him.

Steve caught up to him in half a block and handed him the shoes without a word. He waited while Soda shoved his feet into them, and then they fell into step with one another. After a few minutes, Steve said, "Where are you going to find him?"

"I'll ask around," Soda said grimly. And he did. Once they reached the stores, he asked every greaser he saw until one of them mentioned seeing Dally at Buck Merrill's the night before, so they headed straight there. Steve kept glancing nervously at Soda. He'd never seen him look so determined before, and he was afraid of what he might do to Dally. Normally, he'd worry the other way around, but he'd seen firsthand the kind of bond the Curtis brothers had. He pitied anyone who tried to break it. Pony might annoy him, but he knew better than to ever really criticize him. If he did, he knew he'd lose Soda's friendship for good, and that was the last thing he could handle. Soda was one of the few people in his life he could count on, and he knew better than to jeopardize that just because some 14-year-old kid got on his nerves once in a while.

When they got to Buck's place, Soda pounded on the door, and they were both surprised when Dally opened it. He tried to grin at them, but he noticed the look on Soda's face, and the grin was replaced by what Steve could only call nervousness.

"Come on in," he said quietly, and he led them up to his room. After they'd all sat down, Dally said abruptly, "so what are you two doing here?"

"Where's Ponyboy?" Soda asked bluntly.

"I don't know," Dally answered just as bluntly.

"Bull," Soda snapped. "If there were anywhere in the world Johnny would go in that kind of trouble, it would be to you."

Dally sighed and shook his head. "Sorry, Soda. I know you think that, but I haven't seen them since the drive in last night."

His voice was gentler than either Steve or Soda had ever heard it, and while Steve blinked in surprise, Soda felt tears stinging his eyes again. He looked away from Dally while he blinked hard to keep them back, and that's when his eyes fell on a familiar sight. Jumping off the bed, he grabbed his little brother's sweatshirt and turned to shake it at Dally.

"Dally, please!" he suddenly begged. "We're awful worried about him. You've… you've never seen Darry like this. Are they… are they ok, at least?"

Dally didn't answer. He was staring at the sweatshirt, silently cursing his own stupidity. Finally, he forced himself to look at Soda, and he said nothing, but his eyes conveyed the smallest measure of comfort. Soda let out a deep breath.

"You'll come by the house later," he said to Dally, and it wasn't a request. "Darry'll want to talk to you, and I'll need to give you a letter to give Ponyboy."

Without another word, he stood and walked out. Steve cast one last glance at Dally and then sighed and followed Soda back home. He wasn't looking forward to that conversation, and he was pretty sure that Dally wasn't either.


	3. Chapter 3

Soda, Darry, Steve, and Two-Bit were all sitting around the living room watching television when Dally walked in a few hours later. It was already dark outside, and Soda was starting to feel numb… as if this had all been a nightmare… until he saw Dally and remembered the sweatshirt. He sat up and pulled a folded piece of paper out of his pocket, shoving it towards Dally.

"Here. Take it. Give it to Ponyboy when you see him."

Dally said nothing, shoving the letter into his pocket but not once taking his eyes off Darry. He tried not to show it, but he was stunned that Darry hadn't leapt up to shake the truth out of him, and he realized that what had Soda had said that afternoon had been true. He'd never seen Darry like this. Even when Mr. and Mrs. Curtis had died, he hadn't been in a trance like this. He was sitting in that chair, staring at ground and not talking to anyone. He definitely knew Dally was there, but it was almost like he'd realized he wasn't going to get anything out of him, so he wasn't even going to bother trying. And that was _not _like Darry at all.

Dally let out an explosive breath and walked right back out. He would have stayed. He wanted to. But he knew Soda knew, and he also knew that unless he delivered Pony safely to that house, he wouldn't be welcome there any longer. It was an uncomfortable feeling, but there was nothing to do for it. He shook it off and went back to Buck's. If he needed help forgetting all of this, he could definitely find it there.

Meanwhile, the other four sat in the living room. Steve and Two-Bit didn't want to leave Soda or Darry, but they also knew that they probably wanted to be alone, so after a few more minutes, they stood up, muttered something about being back in the morning, and banged out the screen door.

For a few minutes, the brothers sat in silence, and then Soda said, "I think I'm going to try to get some sleep, Darry. You are going to sleep tonight, right?"

Darry finally looked up. His eyes were so haunted, but his expression was the familiar one of responsibility and constant worry.

"Yeah, little buddy. I'll sleep tonight. Go on. We'll work on this more in the morning."

Soda stared at him for a minute. He wondered if Darry had even realized that Dally had been there… that Dally knew where Pony was… but he was afraid to ask. He was afraid of what would happen to them if Darry really were that far gone. He went to bed.

Darry also went to bed, but when he closed his eyes, the first thing he saw was the red mark on Pony's face, and he jerked himself awake. His breath came in quick gasps, and he forced himself to breathe slowly and deeply. Once his breathing was regular again, he stared at the ceiling. The last time he remembered being afraid to close his eyes had been months earlier after his parents had been killed. Soda and Pony thought Ponyboy had been the only one having nightmares, but that was because Darry had managed not to scream through his. But every time he'd closed his eyes for a month after that accident, he saw mangled cars and his parents crying out for help. And now he'd let them down. It was the thought that had been at the edge of his conscience all day, and now that he was lying alone in the dark, it forced itself to the front of his mind. He turned on to his side, but he couldn't avoid it that way either. He couldn't remember either of his parents ever raising a hand to him or his brothers. And now he'd hit Pony. And he might never see him again. As the guilt washed over him, he felt the now-familiar tears pricking at the corners of his eyes, and he pushed his face into the covers, letting them seep out for only the second time that day.

Soda couldn't fall asleep either. He needed Pony there beside him, and he felt the lump rising in his throat. Turning his face into the pillow, he tried to muffle his sobs. He didn't want to worry Darry any more than he already was. He just… he needed him to be Superman. It was that simple.


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning dawned just as brightly as the day before, but Soda and Darry met in the kitchen at 7am, both looking tired and somehow… hollow. Neither of them had slept, and the other knew it. But neither of them mentioned it either. They moved around the kitchen, getting pieces of chocolate cake and then sitting down to pick at it. It was clear to both of them that the other had lost his appetite, but they didn't say anything about that either. A lot was going unsaid, Darry realized, but he didn't have the energy right now to fix it.

After they had pushed the cake around their plates for about five minutes, Darry stood up with a sigh.

"I'll be ready to go in a few minutes if you want a ride," he muttered to Soda.

Soda nodded numbly, staring at the table. "Yeah," he said softly, and it struck Darry again how much the light had gone out of his happy-go-lucky eyes. Shaking his head, he went into the bathroom to finish getting ready. He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and stared in shock. His eyes were bloodshot, and he knew Soda could tell he'd been crying. He didn't care if Soda knew… well, he didn't want him to worry, but it was too late for that anyway. But he started splashing cold water on his face, hoping the swelling would go down before he got to work. The last thing he needed was curious stares and comments from the guys he worked with.

Finally, relatively satisfied with the results, he dried his face and went out to the living room where he was surprised to see Soda waiting for him for once, fully dressed and ready to go. Without a word, he followed him out to the car, but when he dropped him off, Soda sat there for a minute before he mumbled, "Darry, I think I need to see Sandy tonight. Will you … will you be ok?"

Darry tried to smile as he reached over and tousled his younger brother's hair. "Yeah, Pepsi Cola. I'll be ok. That's a good idea. Just try to be home by 11, ok? And be careful walking from her house."

Soda nodded, the relief visible in his face at the thought that he'd get to see his girlfriend soon. He got out of the car, and Darry was happy to see that his step seemed lighter. He realized suddenly that he would do anything possible to make Soda smile again. And if he ever got Pony back… well, he would be different. He couldn't imagine not moving heaven and earth to give that kid anything he wanted if he would just walk through that door.

The day dragged by for both of them. They went through the motions at their jobs, and Darry put his all into every physical task they could throw at him just so he could get his mind off everything that was going on at home. Soda, on the other hand, couldn't seem to distract himself no matter what he did. He didn't even seem to notice the girls who came by the DX, so Steve watched him carefully. Whenever he noticed him descending even further into his gloom, he would bring up anything other than Ponyboy to try to distract him.

At the end of the day, when they were washing up, Steve asked lightly, "So what are you doing tonight?"

Soda sighed and Steve was surprised to see a slight smile on his face. "I'm going over to Sandy's," he said. "Darry said he'd be ok, but would you do me a favor and check in on him at some point? But… don't tell him I asked."

Steve nodded. "Sure. I figured I'd stop by later anyhow. What time do you think you'll be back?"

Soda shrugged. "11, I guess. I don't want to stay out too late in case…"

Here he trailed off, and from the look on his face, Steve knew what he was about to say.

In case Pony comes home.

Neither of them said it, though, and Steve sighed, asking quickly, "Do you need a ride to Sandy's?"

"Thanks. Are you… are you ready to go now?"

Steve smirked at Soda. "In a rush?"

Soda swiped half-heartedly at Steve but managed another small smile. Steve felt a small rush of happiness. Getting Soda to smile today was an accomplishment in and of itself. He couldn't wait to get him to Sandy's. That, if anything, would bring him out of this funk for at least a few hours. He couldn't think of anyone who needed it more.


	5. Chapter 5

Author's note at the end of this chapter.

Soda jogged up the steps to Sandy's door, but before he could even knock, she came hurtling through it in tears. She stopped short when she saw him, though, and gasped in shock.

"Soda," she said nervously, glancing behind her. "We… we need to talk. Come on." She pulled him off the porch, and he was so caught off guard that he just followed her wordlessly. She took him to the end of her block, and once they were sitting on the curb, she took a deep breath and said, "I have some things I need to tell you."

"Sandy, I…" he started, but she waved him off.

"No, this can't wait." He noticed suddenly that she had yet to look directly at him, so he tried to make eye contact. She turned her head away and said, "Soda, my mama and my daddy are sending me to Florida. I'm going to live with my grandma. Tomorrow."

He stared at her in shock and without even realizing what he was doing, he started shaking his head. "No, Sandy. No. You can't leave. Not now. I … I need you. Please." He tried to keep the tears out of his voice, but he had a lump in his throat so big that he could barely swallow.

She finally turned to look at him, and he saw tears filling her own eyes.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, "but I can't stay here like this."

"Like what?" he choked, swallowing hard. "What could be so bad that you have to leave right now?"

And then he knew. "Oh, Sandy," he breathed. "Oh, wait. We can fix this. You don't need to go. We can … we can get married. I know I don't have much money now, but we could stay with Darry until I get a better job and you get out of school. It could work!" She started shaking her head, and he repeated stubbornly, "it could! Why not? Marry me! I swear I could make you happy."

"Oh Soda," her voice broke. "I'm … I'm so sorry… but," she stood up suddenly and started to walk back to her house. He chased after her and caught her arm before she made it up the steps, turning her to face him.

"Why not!" he demanded, his voice cracking in desperation. "Why won't you?"

"Because," she said, taking a deep breath, and suddenly her voice was not her own, "because it's not yours."

Before she could look at his face and see what effect this one simple sentence had on the boy she loved with all her heart, she turned and ran inside. Soda stood in front of the house, staring at the place where she'd been standing. After a few minutes, he turned slowly and started walking home. He'd never felt so alone in his life. And he had no idea what he was going to tell everyone else. He couldn't tell Steve or Dally or Two-Bit. He'd probably have to tell Darry. And yet… the only person he wanted to tell was the one he was missing right now. He'd give anything to talk to Ponyboy.

He was home before he even realized that he'd walked that far, and he stared at the door, almost dreading the moment when he'd have to go inside and face whoever was there. It was only 7:00. He hadn't expected to be back here for another four hours.

Steeling himself against the inevitable questions, he walked into the house – and found to his immense relief that Darry was the only one there. He was sitting in his accustomed spot in the armchair, and he jumped when the door opened. Soda knew he'd been hoping for Pony, but he forced a smile when he saw his middle brother… a smile that faded when he saw the look on Soda's face.

"Soda?" he asked, obviously concerned, and Soda wondered fleetingly just why it was that everyone could read his moods simply by glancing at him. Without answering, he threw himself onto the couch and stared up at the ceiling. A few minutes passed in silence before he said, in a voice that sounded nothing like his own, "it's over. She's leaving for Florida in the morning."

Darry looked over at him sharply and then jumped up and stared down into his face. "What happened, Soda?" he asked gently. He sat down next to him, and Soda shifted automatically so he could have more room. Finally, he forced himself to say the words he hadn't even wanted to let himself think.

"She's pregnant, Darry," he said flatly, and as he saw the mixture of anger and fear cross his brother's face, he added bitterly, "but it's not mine."

The look of shock on Darry's face was almost too much for Soda, and he closed his eyes and rolled over so he wouldn't have to face him. After a moment, he felt Darry's hand on his shoulder, and he knew he wouldn't be able to keep it together much longer.

"I need… I need to go to bed," he said unsteadily, pushing himself off the couch and heading quickly for his bedroom before he completely fell apart. He was in his room, his face buried in his pillow once again, when he realized that Darry had followed him. He put his hand on Soda's back and felt his shoulders shaking with the sobs he was unable to hold back any longer.

"I'm sorry, little buddy," Darry said softly. "I'm so sorry."

Soda mumbled something into his pillow, and Darry leaned closer.

"Say that again?"

Soda turned over so his voice wasn't muffled.

"Don't tell anyone else, ok?"

Darry's heart broke as Soda's face crumpled, and he started bawling again, clearly against his will. He turned his face back into his pillow, and Darry continued rubbing his back.

"Not a word. I won't say a word."

He sat with Soda until he fell asleep and then went back into the living room, his head spinning. Soda had it hard enough with Pony gone… but Sandy too? How on earth had she managed to cheat on Soda? Darry knew the kinds of girls that stared at his brother, but he'd thought Sandy was different. Soda had too, obviously. Darry had no idea how his most loving brother was going to handle losing two of the people he loved most in one week. There was only one way Soda would start to feel better. Pony just had to come home soon… he just had to.

A/N: According to Pony, in the book, Soda wasn't innocent and had bragged just as much as the others… just never about Sandy… that doesn't mean he never slept with her, though. He most likely did but cared too much about her to talk about it.


	6. Chapter 6

Darry hadn't thought the week could get any worse. He couldn't have imagined that either he or Soda could have been any more miserable than they were that first morning Pony was gone. But now it had been three days since Soda had talked to Sandy for the last time, and he was dragging himself around the house, looking like nothing could ever make him smile again. Darry tried everything he could think of, but every night, he'd go into Soda and Pony's room to find his little brother crying himself to sleep. It had become almost a ritual for Darry to sit with him until he fell asleep. They both seemed to need the comfort of each other's presence because one thing seemed very clear to both of them. As of right now… they were all they had.

And then one night, just as they were getting ready to go to bed, the phone rang. They had stopped jumping for it a few days earlier, and Darry reached for it dully, not expecting anything… until he heard the voice on the other end. Soda heard him gasp and looked up sharply, the first quick movement he'd made in days. He stared at Darry as the blood drained from his face, and by the time he hung up, Soda was kneeling on the floor in front of him.

"What is it?" he asked urgently, knowing it had to have something to do with Pony, and in a shaking voice, Darry said,

"That was the hospital. They have Pony, Johnny _and_ Dally. There was a fire. They … they wouldn't tell me anymore." His hands were shaking, and Soda got up and started rushing around the room, finding his shoes and his sweatshirt. He was halfway out the door when he realized Darry was still sitting there, staring at him.

"Darry, come _on_," Soda demanded impatiently, but then he took a closer look at his older brother's face and walked back over to him. "Darry?" he asked hesitantly. He could've sworn there were tears in his eyes, but he hadn't seen him cry since the beginning of the week, and he couldn't imagine why he'd be starting again now. Pony had been FOUND. Why wasn't he jumping for joy?

"What if…" Darry started, and then he had to swallow hard and start again. "What if he's hurt? What if… Soda… what if he doesn't want to see ME?" He stared at his little brother and blinked hard. Soda stared at him.

"Darry, if he's hurt, then we should already be in the car. And if he isn't and doesn't get you by now… well, we'll just make him. I know Pony," he said with more confidence than he'd had all week. "And I know that he loves you too. Come on."

Sighing, Darry stood up and followed Soda out to the car. They drove to the hospital in silence, but Darry did realize one thing. Soda at least seemed to have forgotten about Sandy for the time being.

Once he parked the car, Soda rushed ahead of him into the waiting room and was standing anxiously in front of the desk, waiting for Darry. It took the nurse a minute to look up Pony's name and inform them that he was in the waiting room in the burn unit and seemed to be doing ok. Letting out huge sighs of relief, they quickly headed toward their little brother. After their parents' car accident, neither Darry nor Soda had ever wanted to set foot in this hospital again. They never actually thought they could be happy to be there. They didn't know then that they never would be again…


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: I don't own The Outsiders, and any of the language in this chapter from the novel has been properly cited.

A few days later, they found out just how miserable they could be. Pony was home. Everyone was getting along. Things were better. They'd even beaten the Soc's in the rumble. They'd won. They were supposed to celebrate. But then Pony stumbled into the room with the news about Johnny and all of a sudden the phone was ringing. No one had even had the time to process what had happened to Johnny when they all found themselves running for the lot, hoping against hope that Dally was calling because he really did want their help. And then they got to the lot and saw Dally very consciously make the last decision of his life.

Soda's eyes were dry… Soda, who had been crying for a week straight, had his arms around Steve and was holding onto him tightly so he wouldn't fall. He felt Steve's shoulders jerking with unaccustomed sobs, but he felt nothing. He watched with numb detachment while Dally was covered with a sheet.

Two-Bit sat down hard on the cold ground. He wasn't sure what he was thinking or even if he were thinking anything at all. He knew he should still feel sore from the rumble, but he suddenly found himself completely unaware of his injuries. He stared at Dally's still form, and all of a sudden, Pony's words came back to him from just moments earlier, and the reality of Johnny's death hit him all over again. He closed his eyes and felt an unfamiliar lump in his throat. Clenching his teeth, all he could chant to himself was, "keep it together until the cops are gone. Just keep it together until we're back at the Curtises."

Darry stood apart from the others and gazed at the scene unfolding before him. It seemed to him as though everything were moving underwater, and he was just staring into space when he heard someone yell out. The note of panic didn't catch his attention. It was someone referring to "the kid" that caused him to whirl around in fear, and he turned in time to see his little brother hit the ground.

Darry collapsed to his knees next to Pony, and all of the feelings he'd been avoiding rushed back. He didn't look up, but he knew that the others were gathering around him too. Soda lifted Pony's head gently so he could put it on his own lap, and he smoothed his hair, whispering tearfully, "just hang on, Pony. We're going to get you to the hospital." He looked up, yelling hysterically, "my brother's sick! We need an ambulance!"

One of the more sympathetic police officers walked over and looked down at this broken group of friends. "The ambulance is on the way for Winston," he said although his tone implied that he knew it was too late for Dally. "I'm sure they'll take your brother, though."

Just then the siren's wail pierced the night, and the ambulance screeched up to the curb. Two paramedics jumped out, but before they could get anywhere near Dally, Soda yelled, "We need help over here!" They turned, startled, but the police officer still standing with the boys nodded slightly, so they rushed over, and before any of the greasers realized what was happening, they had Pony on a stretcher and were loading him into the ambulance. Before they could close the door, though, Soda and Darry had jumped in with Pony. One of the paramedics, whose nametag read Bill, started to say something when Darry interrupted.

"We're his brothers; I'm his legal guardian, and we're goin' with him." His tone made it clear that neither he nor Soda were leaving, and no one who took one look at Darry ever felt much like arguing with him anyway.

"Ok," Bill said, "but you need to be sitting down back there, so get comfortable."

They nodded, but before the door closed, Darry yelled to Steve and Two-Bit, "we'll be back soon if you want to wait for us."

Bill glanced at his partner as he slammed the door shut on the three brothers.

"Back soon?" he muttered. "Did you take a look at that kid? He'll be lucky if he makes it out of the hospital at all."

Neither of them realized that the other two boys had heard him. They tore off as another ambulance pulled up to get Dally, and Steve and Two-Bit stared at each other in disbelief.

"Pony too?" Steve managed to say, but Two-Bit just shook his head. Now he really didn't know what to say, so he said the first thing that came to mind.

"I can't believe the police took my blade."

"That switchblade? That's all you can think about now?" Steve snapped.

"No," Two-Bit said with a quivering sigh, "but that's what I'm wishing was all that's bothering me" (Hinton 154).

A/N: The last line is directly from the novel and obviously belongs to S.E. Hinton.


	8. Chapter 8

The ride to the hospital was mercifully short. When the ambulance pulled up in front of the emergency room, the paramedics hopped out and whisked Pony in to see a doctor, leaving Darry and Soda to deal with all of the paperwork. Soda watched in frustration as Pony disappeared and hovered by Darry's elbow, silently urging him to hurry up so they could get some news. The minute Darry signed his name on the bottom of the last page, he tossed the clipboard on the desk and said, "We need to know where our brother is."

The nurse looked up at the two boys standing before her, both of them bruised and battered, and she raised an eyebrow as she pointed toward the doors where Pony had been taken.

"He's in there. If you'll take a seat out here, I'm sure the doctor will be with you as soon as he knows anything."

Darry scowled at her, his worry over Pony making his temper even shorter, but he managed a thank you as he and Soda moved back to the seats where they had already spent too much time.

They were only sitting there for a few minutes, staring straight ahead in silence, when Soda let out a huge sigh, and Darry turned to look at him.

"You doin' ok, Soda?" he asked gently. He was suddenly aware that neither of them had said anything to each other since they'd left the lot… since they'd left… he swallowed hard, realizing now why Soda looked so … wrecked. This was the first time he'd had to think, and there was just way too much to think about. He reached over and tousled Soda's hair gently, knowing that his brother was fighting back tears with all his might. He could see it in the way he was biting his lip and breathing in short gasps.

After a minute, Soda turned slightly to look at Darry's t-shirt. He wouldn't look into his eyes, but he managed to choke out the one question Darry just couldn't answer.

"Dar… we … we can't lose Pony too, can we?"

There was a lump in Darry's throat now too, and he shook his head, hoping Soda would catch the movement out of the corner of his eye. He was afraid of what might happen if he started to speak, and Soda, glancing up quickly into his face, saw that Darry was having the same problem he was. He leaned against his shoulder, and they were still sitting there in silence when a doctor approached them.

Forgetting everything else for the moment, they jumped to their feet, anxious for any news.

"Darrel Curtis?" the doctor asked, looking at Darry questioningly, and he nodded.

"I'm Darrel. How's Ponyboy? Can we take him home now?"

The doctor shook his head in surprise. "Oh no. We're going to need to keep him overnight for observation. He's suffering from exhaustion and a minor concussion. He's also running a low fever. You didn't… you didn't notice that he was ill?"

He had kept his voice calm, but Darry could hear the accusation, and while he wilted inside, he managed to stand up even straighter and say, "Sir, two friends of ours died tonight. There was a lot going on, and Pony never said a word."

The doctor's face softened slightly. "Well, I'll let you in to say goodbye to him, but visiting hours are over. I'd suggest you boys go home and come back in the morning. You need to get some sleep yourselves. You won't be any good to your brother looking the way you do now."

Soda and Darry glanced at each other, suddenly aware that neither of them had even had time to clean up very much before Dally's panicked call. They nodded, subdued, and followed the doctor into Pony's room.

The first sight of someone in a hospital bed is always the hardest, and Soda let out a muffled noise that could have been a sob. The doctor glanced at him in surprise and then, with more compassion than either of them would have given him credit for, said, "I'll leave you here for a minute."

Soda was already standing by Pony's head, and Darry was on his other side. The minute the door closed behind the doctor, Soda said in a quavering voice, "Pony, you need to get better. We need you to get better. Please," he said and his voice broke. "Please get better."

He lowered his head, but Darry could see tears falling onto the sheet, and he felt his own resolve start to waver.

"Yeah, baby, we're both here," he said softly. "We need you to wake up soon, so you can come home with us. We … we need you at home with us." The truth of that statement hit him and Soda at the same time, and they looked at each other across Pony's bed. Another tear slid down Soda's cheek, and he wiped it away quickly because just at that moment, a nurse walked in.

"Ok, you two," she said briskly. "He'll still be here in the morning. Time for you to get some sleep of your own."

Soda reached over and smoothed Pony's hair back, and Darry touched his youngest brother's arm and then walked over to Soda. He knew he wouldn't go anywhere unless he moved him himself, so he put his arm around him and led him out of the room. Soda kept his head down, and Darry knew it was because there were just too many people around, and he was afraid to be seen crying in such a public place. He couldn't wait until they were both back home. He just couldn't believe that this time… they had to leave Pony behind.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: First of all, go back to chapter seven for a revised (and hopefully better) ending. Secondly, thanks for all of the positive reviews and suggestions. Once I'm finished with the ideas I already have, maybe I will go back and flesh this out with some more chapters about the reunion and the rumble.

Disclaimer: I still don't own The Outsiders.

It took them twenty minutes to walk home. Since they'd ridden to the hospital in the ambulance with Pony, their car was still at their house, and as they walked along the darkened, quiet streets of Tulsa, the only sound was Soda's soft sniffling. Darry had his arm around Soda the whole way home, but nothing could seem to stop these tears once they had started. Darry knew they weren't just for Pony. Reality was finally hitting Soda, and it was hitting him hard. Darry, on the other hand, refused to think about anything that had happened that night. He concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other as they walked home, and he knew that if he could make it into his own house, he'd have plenty of time to dwell on what this once victorious night had become.

The light in their living room was on when they got home, and they were unsurprised to see Steve sitting on their couch, staring at the television as he waited for them. His eyes were red, and when he caught sight of Soda's own tear streaked face, his eyes filled with tears again. He sniffed, almost against his will, and Soda stumbled towards him, landing on the couch in a heap. Steve reached over, and as soon as he touched Soda's shoulder, both of them started bawling.

Steve choked out, "I once said we could get by without anyone but Johnny… but Soda… two of them? I didn't mean we could get by without Dally. I mean we can't. How…" and he couldn't continue. He buried his face in his hands, and Soda threw an arm around him, suddenly startled out of his own misery.

"Shoot, Steve, you can't blame yourself. You know Dally couldn't take it. Without Johnny, he wasn't anything. He did this on purpose… even though I wish we were enough for him. I wish…" Now his voice choked up, and as he trailed off, Steve looked up. There were tears dripping onto Soda's jeans as he stared down at the couch, and Steve realized that he hadn't seen him this upset since the Curtises' funeral, so he did the same thing he did that awful day. He put his arms around his best friend and held on tight as Soda shook with sobs. But this time, he buried his face in Soda's shoulder as his own tears came pouring out as well. Neither of them moved until they heard an unfamiliar sound. They let go of each other and turned toward the armchair to see a sight that was becoming familiar to Soda but was undoubtedly shocking to Steve.

Darry was sitting there with his eyes closed and his teeth clenched, but tears were slipping out from under his closed lids, and his breathing was ragged. Without saying a word to Steve, Soda walked over and sat on the arm of the chair until Darry finally opened his eyes. The minute he looked at Soda, he lost all semblance of control. He shook his head, but it was too late.

"It can't be true," he whispered, and Soda's eyes filled again. He reached out, and Darry pulled him towards him tightly, hugging him with all his strength as the sobs shook both of them. Steve curled himself into a ball on the couch, his bruised ribs aching but bringing welcome relief from the ache in his heart. And then … after a few minutes… they somehow found a way to breathe again. Soda pulled back from Darry, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands, and Darry dragged the back of his hand across his own eyes. Steve forced himself to take the deep breaths that hadn't yet worked tonight but were slowly being slightly effective.

Once they were all calmer, they sat there in silence. Even without speaking, they all knew that they were waiting for someone else to come in. None of them knew, until the door banged open for the first time that night, that Two-Bit was the only one who would come. With Pony in the hospital, he was now the only one they could have expected.

What they didn't expect was the look in his eyes. They had finally calmed down, but here was the most unexpected sight of all. For the first time any of them could remember, Two-Bit didn't smell like beer; he wasn't joking, and he wasn't laughing. Instead, he was standing in front of Darry in tears.

"I'm sorry," he blurted. "I was with the kid all afternoon, and I knew he wasn't feeling well, but he told me he was ok. He told me he was going to take some aspirins. I told him he shouldn't fight, but he wouldn't listen. I knew, Darry. I knew he shouldn't fight. This is my fault, all my fault," and he couldn't even go on. He just stood there, tears running down his face, twisting the corner of his jacket into a knot while Darry stared at him in shock. He didn't know what Darry would do to him, but whatever it was, he figured he deserved it and worse. And then Darry stood up, and before Two-Bit even realized what was happening, Darry had put his arms around him and was holding onto him.

Two-Bit stiffened in shock, but he was afraid to pull away because Darry's hug released the sobs he'd been trying to hold back in the time it had taken him to get here. Fleetingly, he remembered his silent chant in the lot: "keep it together until the cops are gone. Just keep it together until we're back at the Curtises." And now he was here.

"I'm sorry, Darry," he choked out. "I'm so sorry."

"Shhhh," Darry soothed as he held onto the jokester who had always seemed to take everything so lightly. "It's nobody's fault. These things just happen. There ain't nothing we can do about them either. We just have to let them be."

He eased Two-Bit over to where Steve and Soda were sitting on the couch and sat him down between them. Soda put his arm around him, and Steve gripped his shoulder. The two of them had tears in their eyes, and before Darry allowed himself to sink back into his chair, he went over and locked the door for the first time he could remember. He felt his own eyes welling up again as he silently acknowledged that no one else would be coming over. He also knew that no one else would need to be witness to the hardest night this gang had ever had.

It was a night of tears. For two boys who had just been through the worst week of their lives and another two who couldn't remember the last time they'd cried, the loss of two friends pushed them all over the edge of reason, of sanity, of control. The minute one of them calmed down, another one would start sniffling, and then the cycle would start again. None of them could bring themselves to say Johnny or Dally's names, though, and the sun was rising when both Steve and Two-Bit finally fell asleep on the couch and the floor, respectively

Soda and Darry were still awake, though, and Soda glanced outside and then turned to his brother. "What time can we go get Pony?"

Darry looked at him worriedly and said carefully, "We can go see him when visiting hours start at 10. I don't know when they'll let us take him home, though…"

He trailed off when he saw the look on Soda's face. This was the one topic that they had managed to avoid, but it was clear that it still had the power to bring them to their knees.

"Darry… you never answered me in the hospital," Soda said hoarsely. "He's going to be ok, right?"

"Come here," Darry said softly, glancing at their sleeping friends. He and Soda went into the kitchen and sat down at the table.

"Pony's sick, Soda," he said softly, and he swallowed the lump that was suddenly back in his throat. "I don't know what's going to happen. And I know Two-Bit blames himself, but if I'd been paying a little more attention to him before the rumble, I'd have seen this for myself. You heard the doctor. How could I not have noticed?"

Soda shook his head stubbornly. "No Darry. You need to remember what you told Two-Bit. It's nobody's fault, least of all yours. You've been watching him like a hawk all week. If he decided to tell you he was ok, well, you know Pony. He probably thought he was." He straightened his shoulders.

"He's going to be ok, Darry. We'll just have to make sure of it."

Darry tried to smile at his optimistic brother, but he knew Soda could say this now when Pony's pale face wasn't in front of him. He was worried about what would happen when they went back to the hospital.


	10. Chapter 10

When Steve woke up two hours later, he stretched, rolled… and landed on the floor. Wincing in pain as he hit his sore ribs, he found himself next to Two-Bit who had opened one eye and was glaring at him as much as possible from his prone position on the floor.

"Sorry," Steve muttered as he somehow managed to get to his feet. Two-Bit sighed but stood too, and they found Soda and Darry still sitting in the kitchen. The Curtises had showered and changed, and their friends glanced down at their own clothes in dismay. Then they looked at each other and shrugged.

"The hospital won't care if we smell," Steve said to Darry, "right?"

Darry looked up at him.

"You… you're coming to the hospital?" He unsuccessfully tried to keep the surprise out of his voice, but Steve heard it and bristled.

"Of course," he snapped. He glanced quickly at where Soda was staring at the surface of the table, seemingly off in his own world, but Darry understood, and he was glad. Soda was trying to put on a brave face again, but Darry knew how hard it would be for him once they got back in the hospital, and he was glad that Steve was going to be there too. If there were anyone in the world Soda trusted on nearly the same level as his brothers, it was Steve. And of course there was no question that Two-Bit was going too. One look at him showed Darry all he needed to know. Two-Bit, although he seemed to be over the worst of it, still felt guilty.

Darry sighed. This was going to be a long day for a lot of reasons, and it hadn't even started yet.

The four of them left for the hospital then, driving in silence, trying not to think of what had happened there last night, trying not to remember why the world was so different this morning.

When they arrived, Darry went up to the receptionist's desk and asked for Pony's update. She glanced down at his chart and said, "I'll call his doctor," dismissing Darry without even looking at him.

He sighed in frustration but stalked back to the seats where the others had planted themselves. Slumping in his chair, he had just about resigned himself to a lifetime in this hospital when the doctor from the previous night came out from the swinging doors looking more serious than he had when Soda and Darry had last seen him. They both sat up nervously, and Steve and Two-Bit glanced at each other, suddenly afraid.

Dr. Burns approached Darry, and he stood up quickly, Soda rising next to him.

"Is he ok? Can we see him?" Darry heard the pleading tone in his voice and hated himself for it. He knew it made him sound completely vulnerable, but if it got him in to see Pony, he didn't care.

Dr. Burns nodded but held up his hand to stop all four of them from rushing in.

"I need to talk to you first. Come with me where we can have this conversation in private. Just immediate family," he added glancing at Steve and Two-Bit, but when he turned to go, Darry motioned for their friends to follow. There was no question in his mind that the events of the previous night made them even more of a family than they'd already been.

It wasn't until they were walking into his office that Dr. Burns realized that all four boys were with him. He looked at Darry in confusion, and Darry said quietly, "we're all the family we have," and the doctor didn't say another word, just motioned for them all to find seats. He sat behind his desk as Darry and Soda sat in the chairs across from him. Steve and Two-Bit perched on the radiator on the side of the room. No one spoke until Dr. Burns took a deep breath and said, "Well, let me start by saying that if Ponyboy wakes up today and carries on a rational conversation, I know he'll make a complete recovery. But the longer he's unconscious, the more reason we have to worry. Last night, he seemed to have some terrible nightmares…" he trailed off when he saw the fear cross the faces of every boy in front of him.

He looked at Darry. "What is it?" he asked simply, and Darry responded quickly.

"Well… Pony's had a history of those nightmares since… since our parents were killed." The doctor's expression changed then, and he nodded slowly.

"What is it?" Darry asked worriedly.

"Well, that makes more sense. When he isn't sleeping soundly, he's been calling out different things. He's asked for both of you, but he's also mentioned your parents a few times. I could tell from the way he said their names, though, that there was more to the story. I'm glad you told me this, so I could … warn you. It might be harder than you expect."

Darry straightened his shoulders. "We don't care. We just want to be with our brother. Can we go there now?"

Dr. Burns nodded. "That's the other thing I was going to tell you. I discussed this with my supervisor last night. We decided to bend visiting hours for Pony's immediate family. We thought it might help him more if he had some of you in there with him since he's been calling for you. So you can stay as long as you'd like."

With this, he looked straight at Two-Bit and Steve. "This goes for all of you."

Darry found himself smiling in spite of the seriousness of the situation.

"Thank you, Dr. Burns," he said sincerely, standing and extending his hand. "We… well, we really appreciate this."

Dr. Burns nodded, standing as well. "I'm glad Pony has a family that cares so much about him," he said simply, ushering them out of his office and down the hall. He wished he were leading them to a happier place.

They stopped outside the door to Pony's room, and Soda was the first to grip the door handle, reluctant to see his little brother in such bad shape but determined to help him as much as he could. The sight that greeted him, though, was even worse than the day before.

During the course of the night, Pony had been thrashing so wildly that the nurses had had to put him in restraints, and now he pulled against them, his hair plastered to his head and his mouth twisted in a grimace of pain.

Soda rushed to him, pushing his hair back and murmuring in his ear. Slowly, Pony started to quiet down. Darry quickly went to his other side, taking his hand and holding onto it tightly. He looked at the restraints and felt nausea rising in him.

He looked pleadingly at where Dr. Burns was watching him and asked softly, "can we take these off now? Please? We'll be here with him. We won't leave him for a minute."

It didn't take Dr. Burns any time to see the truth of that statement, and he walked over himself to help Darry release Pony. On the other side of the bed, Soda was trying to open the ones there, but his hands were shaking. Steve noticed his problem and without saying a word, he went over and helped him finish the job quickly. Dr. Burns did a quick examination and then looked at Darry soberly and said, "I'll come back later," and he walked out, leaving the four of them alone with Pony.

Soda and Darry took seats on either side of the bed; Steve pulled a chair up to sit by Soda, but Two-Bit stayed where he was, leaning against the wall and staring off into space. None of them moved until Pony did. And it was the last thing any of them expected.


	11. Chapter 11

He had been lying flat on his back and all of a sudden he was sitting bolt upright.

"Mom!" he yelled, and Darry and Soda jumped up, grabbing his arms to keep him from hurting himself. Pony twisted to get away from them, and his voice sounded more hysterical when he yelled, "Mom, Dad, they're hurting me! Tell Darry and Soda to stop hurting me!"

His brothers stared at each other, dumbfounded.

"Darry," Soda whispered, "… what should we do?"

Darry shook his head in confusion but said, "Just… don't let go. Try to talk to him. He listens to you."

Soda leaned close to Ponyboy and started whispering in his ear, and although none of the others could hear what he said, it seemed to be working. Pony's body relaxed, and he allowed his brothers to ease him back to the bed.

For a moment, there was silence. They couldn't bring themselves to look at each other, and Darry and Soda continued to stare at Pony. Two-Bit refused to move from his place by the door, and Steve stared at the sheets on the bed.

"Dally, I'm sorry."

They all froze. Slowly, each head turned to look at Pony, and he shifted restlessly.

"Maybe you were right. If we hadn't gone back in the church, we'd still have Johnny…" he trailed off with a whimper and even though he still hadn't opened his eyes, tears started to leak out from under the closed lids.

Soda didn't look at anyone else, but he grabbed a tissue off the night table and wiped his brother's face. Staying close to him, he muttered, "Pony, it's going to be ok. We're all here. If you just wake up, we can go home. Don't you want to go home?"

This time, they all heard him, and they all heard the pleading note in his voice. Darry didn't even realize he was holding his breath until it whooshed out of him like a deflating balloon. But nothing happened. Pony's eyes remained firmly closed but… he kept talking.

"No, Mom, I'm not hungry. I hate baloney. No, I don't want it. I don't want anything…"

Steve was afraid to look at Soda. With every mention of Mrs. Curtis, he noticed Soda's shoulders jerk out of the corner of his eye, and he didn't know what to say.

Darry looked up for the first time then, noticing a different movement out of the corner of his eye. Two-Bit slipped out of the room... and from the look Darry caught as he fled, he thought he knew why.

"Soda," he said softly, "will you do me a favor?"

Soda glanced up through his hair.

"Will you go find Two-Bit? He just left, and I need to ask him for something."

With a pained expression on his face, Soda looked from Darry to Pony and then back again, but Darry just nodded reassuringly.

"It'll be ok. It's just for a minute, and I need to be here in case the doctor comes back. Please?"

Soda sighed but stood and walked out. The minute he was gone, Darry turned to Steve.

"Listen," he said urgently. "I know you're here for Soda. He's going to need a break sooner or later for longer than a minute. You can see as well as I can how hard this is for him. Will you make up some excuse to get him to leave for lunch or something in an hour?"

Steve stared at Darry in surprise but nodded without hesitation.

"Yeah, of course. I'll do it. I don't know how long I'll be able to keep him out, but I'll at least get him to come to the cafeteria or something."

Darry tried to smile but it never reached his eyes.

"Thanks, Steve."

"Is that why you sent him after Two-Bit?" Steve asked, but Darry shook his head.

"No… I don't know if you noticed it, but I saw Two-Bit's face right before he left the room. I think … I think he needs someone to talk to now too. And I can't imagine anyone better than Soda for that kind of job."

He and Steve looked at each other for a moment in complete understanding. No one knew better than these two how well Soda could comfort someone who sorely needed it. And Darry knew that Two-Bit was about to find out.


	12. Chapter 12

Soda halfheartedly pushed open the heavy hospital door and walked into the hallway. In his head, he could hear Ponyboy's voice as he called their parents' names. He tried to shake his head to make it go away, and in the process, he caught sight of Two-Bit's jacket disappearing around the corner at the end of the hall. He trudged after him, wondering why Darry couldn't have just sent Steve.

Then he walked around the corner and saw for himself.

Two-Bit had managed to find the only semi-private space on the whole floor, a small alcove where the supplies were shoved until they could be put away. He was sitting on the floor behind them, his eyes closed and his breathing uneven. Soda quietly joined him on the floor, sitting across from him and leaning against the opposite wall.

After a minute, Two-Bit opened his eyes and tried to smile but failed miserably.

"Hey, Soda. Whatcha doin' here?"

Soda shrugged. "I guess I could ask you the same question?" He didn't want to push this conversation on Two-Bit, but he was quickly beginning to understand why Darry had sent him and not Steve.

Two-Bit shrugged, leaning his head back again and closing his eyes.

"It'll sound stupid," he muttered, but there was pain in his voice, and Soda heard it.

"Say it anyway," he said softly, careful to stay where he was, at least a foot away from Two-Bit. He knew he'd need his space. It was just the way he always was.

"I just… I just couldn't be in there," he mumbled. He still didn't lift his head or open his eyes, but at least he was talking. "And I know he's your brother, but Soda… but we already lost Johnny _and_ Dally yesterday. If we lose Pony too…," and here his voice became strained. "Well, it'll be too much," he managed to choke out. "And I know Darry said it wouldn't, but it would be my fault."

Soda sat up. "Two-Bit, we are _not_ going to lose Pony," he said urgently. Even sitting a foot away, he could feel Two-Bit tense up, so he tried to make his voice softer.

"Listen, this is nobody's fault, least of all yours. You know what Pony's like. He was going to fight in that rumble whether you told Darry or not. You can't blame yourself for this. It wasn't the fever, and it wasn't the rumble, and it wasn't even Johnny or Dally. It was all of those things at once, and there's no way you could have stopped any of it. So stop trying to tell yourself you could."

Neither of them moved for a minute. Soda had closed his eyes again, so he wasn't even aware of Two-Bit staring at him until he heard him move. He opened his eyes quickly to see Two-Bit hunched over with his head in his hands. His shoulders were shaking, but he wasn't making a sound.

Soda shifted over, so he could put his arm around him, and he heard Two-Bit mutter something.

"What'd you say?" Soda asked, and Two-Bit cleared his throat, still not raising his head, and said, "Thanks. That made sense. I just… I miss them."

Soda squeezed his shoulder and felt his own throat tighten.

"Yeah," he mumbled. "So do I."

After a few more minutes, Two-Bit's shaking had subsided, and he wiped his eyes on the arm of his jacket.

"Let's go back to Pony's room," he suggested quietly, and Soda jumped to his feet quickly in response.

They had walked all the way back in silence and were standing outside the door when Two-Bit put out an arm to stop Soda from entering.

"Thanks," he muttered, not meeting his eyes, and Soda merely nodded. Anything more would have made this awkward, and all he wanted was for things to be as normal as possible now because he knew that wouldn't be the case on the other side of the door. He wished he were wrong. He couldn't have been more right.


	13. Chapter 13

Not much had changed in the time Soda and Two-Bit were gone … or so it seemed to them at first glance. When Soda looked more closely at Darry, though, he realized that he looked worse than he had when he'd left, and he asked worriedly, "Did something happen?"

Darry shook his head and said, "No, but I'm glad you're back. He kept… he kept calling for you." His voice sounded funny, but when Soda glanced at him, he didn't look up, so he went over to Pony's other side and sat down again.

He'd only been sitting there for a minute when a thought struck him. He looked quickly at Darry but realized he couldn't ask him, so he resolved to ask Steve later when they were alone.

Sighing, he stared down at his brother's pale face and silently urged him to wake up. Almost as though he'd heard him, Pony started muttering again.

"Soda?" he asked, twisting restlessly, and Soda grabbed his hand, squeezing it.

"I'm here, Pony," he said softly, trying not to get too excited.

"Soda, tell Darry…" he trailed off, and the brothers looked at each other over him, hope in their eyes for the first time all day.

"Tell him what?" he asked as calmly as he could manage.

Pony shifted again uncomfortably. "I didn't mean it. Tell him… tell him I didn't mean it. He doesn't have to hit me…"

Soda blanched and looked quickly at Darry. But he was stumbling to his feet and dashing out of the room, eyes to the floor. Soda was torn between his brothers, and he was glancing desperately between them when he felt a hand on his shoulder. It was Steve.

"Go," he said simply, and Two-Bit echoed him.

"Go find Darry. We'll stay here with Pony. We'll get you if anything happens."

Soda looked from one to the other, unconvinced, but when Pony didn't say anything else, he sighed resignedly.

"Ok. But you have to come find us if anything happens. Right away."

"Of course, Soda. Just go." This time it was Two-Bit, and when Soda looked at him, he nodded soberly, holding eye contact long enough to make his point. Darry needed him now. And Two-Bit suddenly understood that in a whole new way.

Soda walked out of the room once again with no idea where to go, but he was pretty sure that Darry wouldn't sit in the middle of the hallway like Two-Bit had, so he checked the first place he could think of and went into the bathroom. He didn't notice anyone when he walked in, but then he was aware that one of the stalls was occupied.

"Darry?" he asked tentatively.

There was no response for a moment, and Soda was about to walk out when he heard Darry's voice, sounding even lower than usual, mumble, "Yeah."

"Ok," Soda said. He didn't say anything else, but he didn't leave either. After a few more minutes, Darry came out and went straight to the sink without looking at Soda. Soda, standing off to the side, watched his older brother as he splashed cold water on his face and then quickly covered it with a paper towel. When he finally took the towel away, though, Soda wasn't surprised to see that his eyes were red. And he realized that this time, he had no idea what to say. Darry saw that too, and he laughed bitterly, but it sounded more like a sob.

"You heard him, Soda. This whole thing was my fault. If I hadn't hit him that night, he never would have run away, and none of this would have happened."

Soda stared at Darry until he was forced to look away.

"Darry, you were the one who told Two-Bit yesterday that these things happen and they're nobody's fault. Don't you dare go blaming yourself now. First of all, you didn't mean to hit him. Everyone knows that, including Pony. He's delirious. He's not saying anything rational. You heard him apologizing to Dally. If he were himself, you know he'd never apologize for saving those kids, no matter what it meant for Johnny. He's not himself, Darry. He's just not."

Darry looked down at his feet, but Soda saw the tears welling up in his eyes, and he stepped closer to his older brother.

"Darry, he loves you. Don't ever doubt that, ok?"

Darry nodded but wouldn't look up. After a minute, he let out an explosive breath and swiped roughly at his eyes, laughing briefly again, but this time it sounded more natural.

"We really are a gang of bawl babies, ain't we, Soda," he asked, his lips twisting in a wry smile.

Soda glanced sideways at his brother and snorted. "Speak for yourself," he quipped and stepped away quickly as Darry swatted at him halfheartedly. But they were both smiling.

"He's going to be ok," Soda said. Darry looked at him and nodded. They couldn't let themselves think otherwise.


	14. Chapter 14

Pony didn't wake up that day, but the doctor was impressed by the calming influence his brothers seemed to have on him, so he agreed to send him home in the morning. Darry and Soda were there at 8 am, and they had Pony back in his own bed by 10. Once Darry deposited him there, Soda looked down on him with a relieved smile.

"It's good to have him back here," he said, reaching down to smooth the sheets, and then looking up and grinning at Darry for what seemed like the first time in days. Darry grinned back at him, but his smile quickly faded, replaced with the worry line that had become etched into his face. Soda assumed he knew what was worrying his brother, and he said, "Dar, don't worry. You know we'll figure out a way to have someone with him all the time. We'll juggle our work shifts. It'll be fine."

Darry smiled at Soda then but shook his head. "No, I know that will work out. That's not what I was thinking about, though. Soda… Johnny's funeral's tomorrow. You want to go. I want to go. Two-Bit and Steve obviously want to go. And if he were awake, you know Pony would want to go too. There's obviously nothing we can do about him, but I don't know what to do about the rest of us. We can't leave him here by his lonesome."

Soda nodded, obviously thinking hard.

"Mrs. Mathews?" he asked suddenly. Darry blinked in surprise.

"I never thought of her. Let's ask Two-Bit later if she was plannin' on goin' to Johnny's. If not, little buddy, well, I think you might just have hit on our best solution."

Soda grinned again. Having Pony back at home was doing wonders for his mood.

When Two-Bit arrived later, they asked him about his mom, and he turned right to the phone and called her to ask if she would mind… well, he said babysitting, and since Pony wasn't awake this time to hear it, no one wrestled him to the floor. She agreed immediately, but she made Two-Bit promise to bring a card to the funeral for her, and when he hung up, he turned and smiled at the Curtises.

"She'll be here first thing tomorrow," he said, and they let out sighs of relief.

"That's great," Darry said, but they all knew this wasn't the ideal solution, and they all knew what that would be. The ideal solution would be not to have a funeral to go to at all.

Steve showed up at the house an hour later to find Two-Bit watching Mickey and Darry in the kitchen making dinner. Soda was sitting in the armchair they'd pulled up to his and Pony's bed, and his eyes were closing. None of them even responded now when Pony called out his and Darry's names in a low voice. They were afraid of what kind of conversation they might spark.

After they'd eaten dinner, they were all laying around the living room watching television. This time, Darry was the one in the bedroom, and Soda was stretched out on the couch, an arm over his eyes. Steve and Two-Bit were trying not to wake him, but when they needed to leave, Steve shook Soda's arm gently.

"Listen, Soda, we need to go. We'll be back here in the morning at 9, ok? That way we can all go together." Soda mumbled something in his sleep, and Steve sighed. He looked over at the open door to the bedroom and called softly, "Darry?"

"Yeah?" came the equally soft response, and Steve walked over to the door. He repeated what he'd said to Soda, and Darry nodded tiredly, rubbing his eyes and yawning hugely.

"That sounds fine. We'll see you in the morning."

Steve and Two-Bit walked out of the Curtis house, closing the door behind them. They glanced at each other once they were out on the front steps, and Two-Bit sighed.

"Man," he said, digging in his pocket for a cigarette and then handing it over to Steve and pulling out another one for himself. "I don't know how the two of them are doing this. They're about to fall asleep standing up."

Steve nodded in agreement, staring pensively out onto the darkened street.

"Yeah, but at least Pony's home," he muttered, and Two-Bit looked at him in surprise.

"I thought the kid drove you crazy," he commented as they began to walk.

"Oh, he does," Steve assured Two-Bit, but then he was quiet for a moment, and Two-Bit understood before he even finished his thought. He continued softly. "It's just… I don't think any of us could have handled losing another one, least of all Soda."

"Yeah," Two-Bit mumbled in agreement. Neither of them could look at each other as they both thought of what could have been. They walked the rest of the way in silence.


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: Still, unfortunately, do not own The Outsiders.

Pony seemed to be resting more comfortably the next morning when Steve, Two-Bit, and his mother showed up, the boys looking uncomfortable in the suits they never wore. Darry was sitting by Pony's bed while Soda raced around, getting ready.

Mrs. Mathews walked into the room and put her hand on Darry's shoulder, looking down at Pony. "Well, he doesn't look feverish," she said after a moment, and Darry smiled up at her.

"Yeah, he seems calmer today," he said, standing up so she could take his seat. Once she was sitting, he said, "if he wakes up before we get back, there's plenty of food in the kitchen if he's hungry, and his medicine is over the sink if he complains. The doctor said he should just take one pill, though, when he wakes up and only if he complains."

She nodded reassuringly and settled back in the seat, pulling a magazine out of her bag.

"Don't worry about us," she reassured Darry. "We'll be fine. I hope… I hope things go smoothly today."

Darry's face clouded over. He hadn't yet let himself think about where they were all going, but now it was in the forefront of his mind. He nodded quickly.

"Thanks. I hope so too. We shouldn't be too long. I know his parents," and revulsion flickered through his eyes as he said the word, "are having this church service, and then there's a private burial, and I _doubt_ we'll be able to go to that. So we shouldn't be much more than an hour."

"Ok. Well, we'll be here."

"Thanks again, Mrs. Mathews. We really appreciate this."

She smiled at him. "I'm just glad I can help."

He nodded and walked into the living room, where Soda was finally putting on his shoes. Steve and Two-Bit were sitting in silence, watching him. Nobody seemed to know what to say.

Soda stared at his feet as he tied his shoes. Loop the lace, push it through… he knew he was thinking about this in so much detail to avoid thinking of anything else, but he couldn't help it. He just couldn't believe they were going to Johnny's funeral, and he couldn't believe Pony had to miss it. He shook his head as he tightened the laces. There was nothing he could do about that; he had to stop wishing he could.

The four of them walked outside to Darry's truck. They began the drive in silence until Steve said flatly, "We're not going to be able to go to the burial, are we."

Two-Bit snorted. "Didn't we tell you what his mom called us in the hospital? We're 'no-count hoodlums' to her. Like _they_ weren't the ones who treated him like crap." He shook his head again, but it was clear he was suddenly remembering that day… remembering the last time he'd seen Johnny. He lapsed into a pained silence.

Darry sighed. "Well, we'll sit in the back in the church, and then maybe we'll just go watch the burial from far away. Then when they all leave, we can go over and pay our last respects."

"Yeah," Soda nodded. "That sounds like a good idea."

Darry parked behind the church, and the four of them slowly walked inside, careful to stay out of Mrs. Cade's line of vision. As much as they all hated her and were convinced of their own right to be there, they didn't have the energy for a fight today. They took seats in the last pew off to the side and waited quietly for the service to start.

It reminded Soda of his parents' funeral… that being the last time he could remember feeling this miserable. He swallowed hard. Tears stung his eyes, but he didn't want to cry… and he was successful until the priest said Johnny's name. That always did it to him. He could pretend things were different until he heard that familiar name.

Out of the corner of his eye, Darry could see Soda's shoulders shaking slightly, and he put his arm around him. He had entered that zone he had somehow created to help himself deal with funerals and was feeling nothing. It wouldn't last, but he held onto it as long as he could.

On Soda's other side, Steve was also trying not to pay attention to any of the words the priest was saying. He was staring straight ahead, cold, but when Darry glanced quickly at him, he could see a muscle twitching his jaw and knew he was not as easy as he wanted to seem. Two-Bit was having the same problem. He was staring into his lap, wondering how they'd managed to get here and how they'd ever move on. This was Johnny they would never see again… he remembered scaring him at the drive-in, and he felt the lump in his throat start to swell. He let out a shaky breath and shook his head. He'd had enough of crying. He clenched his jaw and swallowed hard. He was not going to break now.

When the service ended, they managed to slip out before the pallbearers carried out the coffin. None of them needed to say it for the rest of them to know that they were all thinking the same thing. They couldn't bear to watch anyone else do this. If anyone should be carrying Johnny right now, it should be them.

They got back into the car without speaking, and Darry pulled the truck up a block away from the church, a safe distance to follow without being seen. The only sound in the car was Soda's sniffling as he tried unsuccessfully to pull himself together.

When they reached the cemetery, none of them got out of the car. They watched from a distance as their friend was buried by people who hadn't cared one ounce about him while he was alive, and it was than knowledge that finally made Steve break. No one except Two-Bit saw it, though, and he said nothing, knowing that the last thing Steve Randle ever wanted was to have someone call attention to any of his weaknesses.

When Johnny's parents finally left, his real family got out of the car at last, walking on shaky legs to the new grave. They couldn't bring themselves to look at each other as they all stared at the final resting place of the one person none of them could bear to lose. After a few minutes, though, they were ready to leave. Each of them knew he'd be back on his own to talk to Johnny and say the things he needed without anyone else there to hear. They got back into the car and drove back to the Curtises.

When they went inside, Soda and Darry went straight to Pony's bed to find him still sleeping peacefully. Mrs. Mathews looked up from her magazine and studied their faces as they watched Pony. Her eyes filled with sympathy as she took in Soda's red eyes and Darry's dazed expression, and she quickly stood up.

"Here," she said to Soda, recognizing his need to be close to his younger brother. "I'm sure he'll somehow know you're here. Darrel, can I talk to you for a minute?"

Darry nodded and followed her out to the living room. She passed Two-Bit as she went, and she touched his cheek, the gentle gesture bringing tears to his eyes that he tried to hide as he quickly turned on the television.

She walked out to the porch and turned to face Darry. He still looked completely numb, and she knew that the boys wanted to be alone, but she needed to do something for him.

"I just wanted to tell you that I'm very impressed by the way you boys are taking care of Ponyboy," she said softly, and Darry forced a smile, nodding politely. "I know," she continued hesitantly, "that your parents would have been very proud of you."

The smile froze on Darry's face, but Mrs. Mathews merely looked at him sadly and turned away. She knew Darry wouldn't want her to see his weakness, so she left him to himself and started her own walk home. As badly as she felt for these boys, she did know one thing that made her feel slightly better … they would always have each other.


	16. Chapter 16

Author's Note:

Sorry to mislead you all with this, but I wanted to just confirm that that's pretty much all that I think happened behind the scenes of this novel. I may go back at some point and flesh out the chapters some of you suggested. I had the idea for a kind-of sequel, though, based on something I wrote in that last chapter, so that's coming soon. Thanks again. 


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